


Porcine Protector (The Dawn Piggy Remix)

by dorkishavenger



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Muppet Show
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-23
Updated: 2011-04-23
Packaged: 2017-10-18 13:53:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/189558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkishavenger/pseuds/dorkishavenger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remix of Booster17's hilarious #14 here: http://boosterific.livejournal.com/24885.html, part of a series which theorises what happened if Dawn was born into another family? (Psst, they're all great, read them all.) Dawn has an older sister, who's prone to moodswings, and isn't always perfect, but will protect her own with as much violence as she's allowed to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Porcine Protector (The Dawn Piggy Remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Booster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Booster/gifts).
  * Inspired by [14\. Dawn Piggy](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/3038) by Booster. 



She wasn't having a good day.

She yawned as she went back into her room. It'd been an incredibly long day, in fact, doing the work only she could do. It made her feel good, because there was no one else in the world like her, no other Piggys, but it also made her tired, and sad, and a little worried about other places that didn't have someone like her.

. . . There was someone in her room, by the window. Peering out past the clothes hung up to catch the morning light. Someone smaller, and younger, with the same impeccably styled long hair.

"What are you doing here?"

A voice rang out from the corridor. "If you're going out, why don't you take your sister?"

"Keeeermit!" Piggy and Dawn chorused in disgust.

Kermit stuck his adorable little green head in through the doorway. "She hasn't had lunch," he protested, looking from one to the other. "I thought she might like something."

Piggy pouted. "But Kermieeeeeeeee, can't Scooter bring something up for Dawn?"

Kermit shook his head. His tiny, squishable, adorable head. It was funny how someone could make her so angry she could squish him, AND so happy and loving she could squish him, all at the same time. "Sorry, Piggy! He's busy rewiring the main lights around Gonzo's helmet."

"Gonzo has lights on his helmet?" Piggy asked, with a toss of her beauteous mane.

"No, Gonzo's helmet is in the main lights."

Dawn pouted, too. It wasn't a bad pout, but it wasn't a patch on Piggy's own pout. She'd have to give little Dawnie more lessons. Temporarily derailed, she listened to Dawnie's question. "Why did Gonzo put his helmet in the main lights?"

"You can ask him if you like?" Kermit suggested. "His head's in there, too."

Dawn gasped. "Where's his body?"

Kermit flapped his arms about. "No, no, it's not like that, he flew out of a cannon, bounced off a chicken and ended up in the spotlight."

Piggy stalked closer to Kermit, because really, this was enough. "Then while he's stealing MY spotlight, Scooter can go get my adorable," each word was punctuated with a jab at Kermit's chest, "precious, little, sister her LUNCH!"

Kermit swallowed loudly. "Scooter has can go get your adorable, precious, little sister her lunch," he agreed squeakily, backing out of the dressing room. "I'll send him over right away!"

Piggy turned, all smiles, to her Dawnie. "That's better, isn't it!"

Dawn giggled. Really, the dear girl was coming along so nicely. It was wonderful having a sister to share all of this with. "Thanks, Piggy!"

* * *

Glorificus was not having a good day.

She knew all about Hell dimensions. She knew all about other universes, including one where there was no shrimp. She was au fait with Despair Squid, Arcturan MegaDonkeys, Cardassian voles, and Tasmanian devils.

She hadn't been quite prepared for this, however.

"I'm really finding this quite frustrating," she said dangerously, eyeing off the dog hiding behind his piano. The dog looked like he was made out of old carpet, but old carpet didn't usually give her so much *attitude*. "Talk, Lassie!"

"Woof, woof," the dog said swiftly, casting about to look for an exit. "Bark?"

"Dogs don't say 'woof' and 'bark'!" she shouted. "They say 'aargh' and 'ooh' and 'that was my spleen' and 'whatever you want, your Glorificus!'"

She was interrupted from her -- fabulously well-styled -- tantrum by a crowd rushing her from behind.

"We'll stop you, or my name isn't Ro-!" squeaked a tiny frog, while a larger frog grabbed him with a most determined expression on his face and tossed him back through the door. The stupid dog had *gone*, but at least she had more of these ridiculous creatures in front of her.

She took hold of the first. Her fingers fizzed unpleasantly as they plunged into the bear's furry head. His bowtie spun quickly, then began to slow down, as she shivered in pleasure.

The pleasure didn't last long.

With a sneer, she let him drop. "Where's my *Key*?! Small pig, long hair, obnoxious!" she snarled to the rest. They were only ankle height, after all, even *without* wearing her Manolos. What harm could any of them do her? Her minions would help, anyway. Not that she needed them to do anything. She was Glorificus!

"Ahem," someone said with murderous intent, hidden behind the frog. Which wasn't a bad feat considering she was about ten times his height and breadth.

Oh, it was a pig. Glorificus narrowed her eyes as she studied her new opponent. At least it wasn't a Slayer, but this pig was well dressed, with an ironic nod to last year's hair, and she moved like she knew how to wield a purse.

"What, so you're the main course to his appetiser?"

The pig growled.

“Careful, Piggy!” yelled the frog, “She just sucked Fozzy’s brains out of his head!”

Piggy. Well, it wasn't the most *creative* name. . . “Like that meal’s gonna satisfy anyone. Listen you henna haired hussy, no way anyone’s laying a finger on my sister!”

There was someone else hiding behind the main frog. Glory scowled in that direction. The frog was so tiny. Perhaps he had some kind of pocket dimension attached to his nonexistent behind. He muttered something to the person, or possibly he was speaking to his butt. Glory didn't pretend to understand everything about this dimension.

“Watch those paws, froggie,” snarled Piggy, “There’s only one ham roll you’d better be interested in!”

Oh, this was just getting *ridiculous*. Like the Spice Girls once the redhaired one quit. “Look, just gimme my damn key, porkie,” she yelled, “Or I’ll show you a whole new meaning to why did the pig cross the road!" There. That showed her. Or did it. “I meant chicken. No, wait….”

Glory's legs flew out from under her in a most unbecoming fashion, and a cloud of chicken feathers. What the hells?! She managed to get back to her feet, with one heel snapped off -- they were going to *pay* -- and the stupid bear's stupid cap in her hand. Her minions were useless, as usual.

A green blur shot under the table.

“Oh, Glory-kins,” came a honeyed voice from around her knee. Okay, maybe a little higher. The voice dripped malice like it was going out of style, but Glory's head still felt strange and she couldn't focus. A green hand emerged and yanked a younger pig under the table. Was that- Hang on, the pig was STILL TALKING. No one talked around here except Glory! And people giving her information! Glory was just about to advise this stupid pig of that fact when the pig continued, “Did you, per chance, happen to call moi a porkie? Thus implying that I, moi, am fat?”

Glory nodded impatiently.

The universe paused.

“HI-YAAA!"

* * *

Dawn, on the other hand, was having an *awesome* day, even if Scooter *still* hadn't brought her lunch. She sat under the table with her hands around her knees, and watched avidly as her sister kicked hellgod *buttocks*.


End file.
